What is abundant life?

I remember the days right before I got accepted on the race. I use to stay up until 3am watching videos and reading blogs. I knew in my heart there was something more than just getting a job out of college and being a teacher.

I was wrecked on the race doing things I had never in my life dreamed of doing. I encountered a God who spoke intimately to me and would offer an abundant life. I was forever changed.

Here I am again, back in America going to school, again. Don’t get me wrong I could probably go to school the rest of my life. The idea of learning and reading huge books about interesting things could keep me busy forever.

The other night I caught myself watching videos and reading blogs until late into the wee morning. I started to have this longing deep down to go and abandon everything. Sell my car, belongings and drop out of school to find Jesus in the little street kid somewhere in a foreign country.  I tell people lately that I have gotten my fill of traveling. I am so excited to settle somewhere and make some sort of life, some sort of community. But there is something so attractive about recklessly abandoning life in pursuit of Jesus.

One major lesson I have learned in all my adventures is that I could do anything in the world with an “abandonment” mentality. I could be working a 9-5 as a teacher, abandoning all but His voice and make a difference everyday.

However, I find myself not making the most out of life. Wanting more.

I know that abundant life. I have tasted it. I have seen it with my own eyes. But I am living in a wealth part of Atlanta, wanting a new car and money to buys things. Getting caught up in the television shows every night and ho hum of my little apartment, forgetting the One who brought me here. I get caught up in the materialism, money and pursuit of anything but Jesus. Left wondering what is missing, when I know the answer.

Life would be great if I didn’t struggle with disciplines. I could get everything done in a timely manner. Go to bed on time, get up early, run 10 miles a day and spend hours in His presence. But while others struggle with addictions, lust, money, materialism, I struggle with disciplines.  Then I reach that breaking point. I have sought after everything but Him so that hole is getting emptier and emptier each day. I have to fill it with Life. I have to be those stories I read about everyday.

Family without borders

When I tell people that I have lived in 8 different houses in my childhood most people are shocked. Then I drop another bomb and tell them I have been to over 15 countries in 1 year. And finally that I have not settled in one place for more than 7 months in the last 3 years. Most people could not handle that. Some may say I have wanderlust. Others think I am just plain crazy.

Here I am sitting on a plane back to my parents 8th house in Fresno. Trying to by the time I browse through my family album and realize the places we have lived aren’t the things that define my family. I could have lived in 10 different cities and 50 different houses and it wouldn’t have mattered.

What truly matters is the family I spent the time with.

It’s not about the bed I sleep in or the dinner table we ate at. Its not about the height marks on the entry way or a room I spent all of my childhood in. These things don’t make me feel at home, my family makes me feel at home. I can drive by each house and remember the people that came in and out of that house.

It’s about the big bear hugs from my dad. It’s about the little presents my mom leaves on my bed because she is a gift giver. The countless times I tackled my sisters for fun or maybe in an argument. The countless number of bowls of posole eaten as a family. It the many Christmas’ as an extended family in many different houses. The many jokes and laughs that only take a lifetime to build.

It’s about the times we spend as a family that are starting to become few but all the more sweeter. We all live across the country but we are still a family. It’s not about the miles in between but the quality of our conversations and love for each other.

A Season Worth Waiting For

I am rarely ever really excited for something. I know myself; if I get too excited about a coming event I tend to miss all the things that happen right before it. For example, leading up to the World Race I have no recollection of finishing my last semester of college, moving home, quitting my job and driving to LA. I spent all my time dreaming about being on the race and had no excitement left when it came time to leave. So, I try my hardest to be focused on the here and now, and reserve my excitement for the actual day.

This semester has been one big roller coaster. It started off with a bang; I was ready and eager to learn. Soon it all leveled out and I couldn’t read a lick of any material. Then, I became discontent with my lack of home church, relationship status and even limited amount of friends. Now, I can’t even stand how excited I am to return to Fresno.

I try not to be so eager but I am ready, to sit on the couch in the living room and cuddle with Bella (our dog). I am ready to have so many coffee dates and little adventures with people I have known for years. I am ready for a big hug from every single one of my family members. I am ready to walk through the Chicago airport and give my sister the airport I-haven’t-seen-you-in-forever-running-hug only to fly the last leg home with her. I realize that once all those things happen it won’t be as exciting any more. And a part of me knows I will miss Atlanta. But I can’t seem to contain my excitement.

Seasons are vitally important to the health of an individual

I have been through so many in my short 24 years of life and they have all served a specific purpose. If life was one continuous season it would be, well, boring. Things finish and start to provide purposeful definition to life. The ending of one semester and needed break will give me the push to start a new one. Heck, the ending of one week and a day break gives me the push for another. Seasons of rest, pain, joy and struggle are essential in my life because without it I wouldn’t be unique. I wouldn’t be the person that I am.

Which season are you in?

Ten Wise Words on Dating

In my quest to understand dating, here is a compiled list of advice I have gotten from many different people.

1. Be patient
Whether you have been single for 12 years or 2 months don’t worry your time will come. God knows who that person will be. Wait on his timing and trust the He has got it all taken care of. Don’t rush; you have plenty of time because you don’t want to settle for something that isn’t right.

2. It will happen when you least expect it
Getting to the place of not expecting it is the hardest part. I have heard time and time again that it will be the person you least expect, in the timing that you least expected. Don’t try to make it every person you meet and don’t discount every person you meet.

3. Physical attraction isn’t an end all
Let’s face it one day we are all going to end up old, wrinkly and ugly. Our physical bodies won’t stay young forever, it is all temporary. Yes, physical attraction to some degree is important for passion in a marriage. Yet, usually that comes with time. Qualities about that person will make them more and more attractive.

4. Don’t make a list of qualities
Women get carried away with a 10-page list of what they want in a guy. In the long run it causes frustration because in reality the “perfect” guy will never exist. However, there are some nonnegotiable. Find out what they are and don’t compromise.

5. Let them know you are interested
It is ok to give a little hint. Sometimes the other person may be so oblivious for some reason or another. Don’t give away everything at once. The chase and the unknown is the best part. If it is right, one day you will know everything about them. Women let him work for some things and guys don’t be afraid to ask.

6. Dating isn’t everything
You weren’t put on this earth to find the “one”. You were put on this earth to bring God glory in all that you do. Some are called to marry and some are called to be single. Don’t waste your life searching after some thing that is temporary. God is eternal and He should have most of your attention.

7. Be yourself
The right person will like you for you. Don’t be afraid to disagree or agree. The person will find out who you are eventually, so why not be authentic now. Don’t pretend to like something when in actually you hate it. Relationships need to be based on the truth.

8. Chemistry and a spark
There has only been one person that I have had extreme chemistry with and in the end it didn’t work out. Chemistry comes in all shapes and sizes. Too much or too little may have absolutely nothing to do with a right relationship. It is different for different people. That spark may not be there at first and will have to develop. At the same time, a spark can light a fire that may never stop burning. You never know until you try.

9. Let things happen, don’t force it
Girls especially will want to show a guy all that she has so that he may be interested. In reality all they want is the real you. If he doesn’t like you for you, then he isn’t the right guy. Again, be patient. It may be a while before something develops between the two of you. It needs to be organic.

10. You will know when it is right.
In all the relationships I have had (one), I knew that it wasn’t right. The same can be said for knowing if it’s right. In an attempt to understand love, the answer across the board is “you just know”. Sometimes it is ok to trust your instincts. That lack of peace or complete peace can speak volumes.

to be Known and Lonely

If you have followed me for sometime you would be use to my rant and rave about the importance of community. Most of this comes from my deep passion for unity among the Body of Christ and a year of the most life giving community I have ever known. But, this month marks 2 years since I have been back from the World Race and I am lonelier than I have ever been.

I have a deep desire to be known.

Lately I have felt misunderstood and isolated. Part of this is because I moved across the country and another part is because I haven’t stayed long enough to become known. There are times when the only people who understand me live thousands of miles away.  Thank the Lord for phones, Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc.

There is something so unique about people you have lived life with for years. They know who you are and what makes you tick. You don’t have to defend yourself because they know your heart. They understand where you have come from and where you are going. They even know your weird quirks like, when you have fits of uncontrollable laughter and they know you aren’t actually falling apart. loneliness

After the race, I thought I could never experience such a community of passionate believers ever again. I was lost for what it looked like to actually have an authentic community. Yet, this Sunday as I was at Bethel Atlanta and the Lord quietly reminded me, “I am in the process of redeeming and making things new.” God doesn’t work at the pace I want to. I am meeting some amazing people in Atlanta but it takes lots of time and patience to be truly known by a community.

A friend recently told me, I need to try more and gave me some awesome ideas. It may sound harsh but he is sooo right. I know it will take a lot of trust, courage and time. I have been called to Atlanta for a purpose and I am choosing to be known.

What’s wrong with men?

Don’t ask me why, but I have been trying to figure out relationships. Specifically what does it mean to have chemistry? How do people who are friends for 5 years one day start dating? How the heck does love at first sight work, meaning the people who meet and just know? I don’t think I have it all figured out, nor will I ever, but it has left me utterly frustrated. In part I know this comes from being a little discontent with my current relationship status (it comes in waves).

Another part is my frustration with men.

Each generation is getting married later and later in life, and I have been wondering. Why?  In the last 3 years I have met so many men who are genuine, radical followers of Christ that are still single. Some of them want to be married so bad but yet don’t even seem to be trying.

Disclaimer: I will never understand the pressure they have to put themselves out there for a woman. I know that the Lord brings people together at different times and for different reasons. I am also learning that you can’t rush the process because it just needs to happen organically. I know that sometimes the Lord clearly says no. I know that it is not easy.

But, how do you know if you don’t even try?

I have only been in one relationship, which I actually had to initiate. And since then I know there have been guys interested because, well, I am not stupid. So you would think I have had some first dates since then right? Wrong. I don’t even remember the last time I had what you may call officially a date. Something could definitely be wrong with me or…

What has happened to an innocent first date, like when my parents were young? Has it always been this way? Is each generation developing a fear among men, and women, about trying to make it work the first time?

I don’t think I speak for myself. Ask any woman.

I say go for it. Trust that we, as women, are going to guard our hearts enough that you won’t have to break them after the first date. Take a chance and don’t operate on fear. You won’t truly know, until you get to know her. God did not call us to fear the very thing He created for us. He wants us to experience an intimacy that represents what we may have with him. It takes a leap of faith, it takes trust. What are you waiting for?

(Disclaimer: This does not apply to all men. Nor, do I hate, loath, or have a bad view of men. Yes, selfishly I want a relationship. But honestly this is for my generation who want desperately to experience all that marriage offers. I want them to boldly stand up for their beliefs and desires. Please do not think that this is my way of trying to get a date from a specific guy or guys in general.)

Why I didn’t vote

Really, I am not going to tell you if I voted or not. All throughout the day I kept hearing “Make sure you vote.” And I agree it is a right and a civic duty to vote. At the same time, I avoid the politics topic like the black plague.  Why? Because people cannot agree to disagree.

I believe it is important to have an opinion. Many people have died in our country so that we could have an opinion and vote. Our freedom is such a blessing as a country. Yet politics is constantly used as a source of division and death. I choose to address the topic cautiously among everyone, friends and family included.

But really guys? Why does it have to be the one topic that everyone brings out their claws. Why does my news feed have to be filled with so much slander and harsh words for a person? We choose to dishonor others and leaders. So much so, that people like me avoid the topic all together because of the amount of negative effects it can have on relationships.

I am surprised at the lack of honor.
I am surprised by the lack of love.
My words have power and life.

I am choosing to speak life over our country no matter who wins.
I am choosing to honor whoever is our leader through trusting the True person on the throne.

In reality, our country and our world are headed for the end. The Bible is very clear about certain events that are to happen. The Bible is also very clear about the government, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” In other words, God is in control.

While you may never know if I voted or not, who I may have voted for, or what my political stance may be; what you should know is my heart. God is teaching me what it means to love and honor even when I may disagree. He is showing me what it means to represent Christ in all of it.